Like all TV junkies, we get high just watching Bravo’s infinite number of reality shows. And the side effects are virtually the same as cheap meth. It wastes our time and money and contributes to brain rot. But really, can anyone help loving Rachel Zoe’s terrible vocabulary or the complete…
The losers spend ninth grade playing video games, doing bong hits, and fitfully daydreaming about that pretty girl with the clean fingernails in social sciences. Meanwhile, the winners are playing football, doing the running man to mass applause, and fielding flagrantly inappropriate scholarship offers from major universities. Needless to say,…
Trying to escape the brutal northern winter, the gorilla juiceheads and the orange trolls with poufs and fake tits decided to pack their hair gels and Ed Hardy shirts, and take a trip down south. Last year, they spent their summer getting trashed in Joisey. “We’re in Miami bitch,” hollered…
The Switch: Jennifer Aniston seeks attractive sperm donor in attractive comedy
La Soga: Revenge thriller in the Dominican hood
Florida was America’s film capital until the Puritanical residents of Jacksonville ran those industry heathens out to California in the 1920s. But Miami knows how to treat those denizens of debauchery, which is why they keep coming back to Miami to film movies. In Celluloid City, we spotlight some of…
Last night, on Episode 3 of Bad Girls Club Miami, the ladies get a serious dose of testosterone. Miss Erica and Danielle bring home some dudes. They’re pretty grimy, but every girl needs some love, ya know? Erica looks about 45 and her new lover Jeff looks about 17. Having…
In the first episode of Dexter, the grizzly Showtime hit, main killer, uh, main character, Dexter Morgan notes, “Miami is a great town. I love the Cuban food, pork sandwiches, my favorite, but I’m hungry for something different now.” Right on, Dexter. We like it here, too, but we’ll stick…
When the ‘Canes came charging out onto the field in 1987, they had a quarterback with almost zero battle experience. “There was one huge question mark on our football team,” says former Miami QB Steve Walsh. “And that was me.” So he practiced like a vet, busted balls, and he…
A ‘Canes practice back in the ’80s was an epically brutal test that broke even the hardest asses. For proof, check out the latest deleted scene from Rakontur’s The U. You’ll hear kicker Carlos Huerta admit: “I basically was a punching bag out there for the first year. I wanted…
We reality show junkies have had an amazing summer. All the Real Housewives hoochies have kept it botoxed and dirty while those orange guidos from Jersey Shore have been a holy gift from baby Jesus himself. Here in the 305, though, our new fave is Bad Girls Club Miami. Now,…
Get Low: A hermit’s life-affirming, predeath funeral
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World and Michael Cera get soul
When we last left the Bad Girls Club, somebody had put Miss Morgan’s crap on the porch, and she was freaking out that the other bitches “disrespected her and her shit.” And just like we expected (YES!), in last night’s Episode 2, Oxygen brings us back right when stripper Brandi…
Florida was America’s film capital until the Puritanical residents of Jacksonville ran those industry heathens out to California in the 1920s. But Miami knows how to treat those denizens of debauchery, which is why they keep coming back to Miami to film movies. In Celluloid City, we spotlight some of…
The optic nerve dispatches information from your retina to your brain, a function that is entirely physiological and unless you suffer from psychosis, not open to interpretation. However, the films at Friday night’s Optic Nerve Film Festival touched upon both our intellects and emotions. And one film in particular –…
How real is your drag? How hot are your rags? How tight is your footwork? No doubt, you can’t touch the high queeniness of ladies like Pepper LaBeija, Dorian Corey, Octavia St. Laurent, Anji Xtravaganza, and Willi Ninja. In the late ’80s, non-filmmaker Jennie Livingston documented the drag balls of…
This past Saturday, as we stood outside the Bill Cosford Cinema waiting for Everything Is Terrible’s 2Everything 2Terrible: Tokyo Drift, we were extra curious to see who would turn up for this exercise in awkwardness. When we spied a few senior citizens in sweater sets, we wanted to throw trench…
Once, in the ’80s, we starred in a DIY inspirational video where making waffles was a metaphor for career success. We thought the death of the VHS format meant the evidence would eventually disintegrate in some faraway Salvation Army. Yet there’s a group of seven friends that searches for cringe-worthy…
There was always something about the A.V. kids in high school. Maybe it was their dark glasses or the way they parted their hair. They intrigued us then and they intrigue us now with this weekend’s 48 Hour Film Project, an entire weekend of film geeks huffing and puffing to…
When running back Melvin Bratton first crashed into Coral Gables in the early ’80s, he was all gung-ho and high on his skillz, figuring he’d walk unmolested into the U’s starting lineup, college ball stardom, and maybe even a big barrel of glory and naked girls. But Coach Schnellenberger said:…
The Other Guys: Will Ferrell and Adam McKay reteam, with decreasing returns
