[jump] Dear Boyfriend Beater, Define normal for me. What’s normal to you may seem totally bizarre to others. Take me for example, pissing on a guy’s face — normal. Kicking somebody in the nuts until they turn black — normal. Shoving a pencil-sized metal rod in a man’s urethra and…
This Thursday night, a variety show called the Millionaire Tramps Vaudeville Debut lands at Churchill’s Pub with Dangerfun!’s handpicked selection of South Florida tramps. Settle in for some stand-up and sketch comedy by Skitsations, slapstick jugglers, bunnies pulled from top hats, and the wiggles and jiggles of Hellion Burlesque. For…
Living in South Beach — the world capitol of bad techno music — it was a pleasant change to head over the causeway to the Vagabond for a night of ’50s nostalgia. At Saturday’s Shameless Burlesque’s Elvis Tribute, twenty-something hipsters jived on the dancefloor to Fats Domino and hugged their…
Put on your pasties and step right up for a never-before-seen performance where vintage, vaudeville burlesque meets the King of Rock and Roll. Tomorrow night, just five days after the 33rd anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death, local striptease troupe Shameless Burlesque and Presley imitator Randy “Elvis” Walker will pay horny…
In what in some circles equates to earth-shattering news, the New York Times plans to discontinue use of the term “hipster.” On Tuesday, the standards editor claimed it no longer accurately describes what the American Heritage dictionary defines as “One who is exceptionally aware of or interested in the latest…
[jump] On her site, Ikard scolds me, claiming that I give out unsafe advice, and going further: “Not every Dominatrix receives their skills and education in the same way, but a Domme without some form of proper mentoring is like a firearm in the hands of an untrained gun user…
When Douglas Coupland coined the term Brazilification to describe the ever-widening gap between the rich and poor, we’re pretty sure he didn’t have Miami in mind. (Has that Canadian author ever visited the 305?) But we’d wager it’s the perfect term to describe our fine city. Donde esta the party…
Strap on your helmet and start pedaling. No, not just the vegans in cut-off shorts with fixed-gear bikes, but all of you. Tomorrow’s is appropriate for cyclists of every type, shape, and size. Hosted by the Miami Beach Bicycle Center, it’s the longest running of its kind and welcomes two-wheeling…
[jump] Dear Sucker, I am glad you finally found someone you think is game, but I think you’re a little bit confused about the difference between “face-sitting” and “smothering.” While the two terms are often used interchangeably, strictly speaking, face-sitting is when a person squats above your face and demands…
Monday – Sunday: With all the attention to The Heat Lightning’s Jersey Shore sock puppets, maybe you should check out more softies (and hardies) at Broward’s Bear + Bird Gallery. “Peculiar Playmates: Curious Sculptural Artworks,” which opened this past weekend, includes handmade oddities, including stuffed softies and ceramic figurines that…
If you ever wanted to have the Miami New Times available at your fingertips at any time, your prayers have been answered. Now available as a free download, the New Times app for your iPhone or iPod Touch brings you everything you love about New Times on the go. Available…
Thanks to the recent show at the Arsht Center, whenever we hear the word babalú, we flashback to I Love Lucy reruns and Ricky Ricardo beating on his conga drums. What we don’t think of is a luxury drugstore. But thanks to a new store opening on Lincoln Road, you…
[jump] Dear Dog Lover, You seem like the top in your relationship. If you weren’t, you’d probably be cleaning a litter box instead of writing me this letter. So, do what tops do best and tell your boyfriend that it’s your way or the highway. I am totally on your…
It’s so hot outside, movie theaters are opening their doors to harbor Miami’s little ones, so they don’t spontaneously burst into flames. You can get in on that action as well hear some good music and make some new friends. All for f-r-e-e.Monday: Catch an eyeful of anthropomorphic turtles under…
According to the official Playboy Playmate Data Sheet, Miss August Francesca Frigo is a 24-year-old female with a 34D bust, a 24-inch waist, and 34-inch hips. She stands 5’5″ and weighs 115 pounds. Now maybe we’re weird, but isn’t this kind of stat collecting kinda creepy? It’s a little like…
Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. Got questions, drop an e-mail to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix. I’ve been in a committed long-term relationship with a guy who’s like a corpse in the sack. He’s absolutely…
Did everyone watch Mad Men last night? How was it? No, don’t tell us! We haven’t seen it yet. We were too busy looking for free events to tell you about. Here’s five for this week. Monday: If you have too much neurosis to ever get your scuba diving certification,…
On Tuesday morning, a 20-year-old cyclist named Michael Lum was seriously injured in Coconut Grove when he was hit by a car. Since then, he’s been at the Ryder Trauma Center, undergoing surgery and beginning his recovery. As of yesterday, Lum was listed in critical condition. Help Lum and his…
For those of us needing a glamorous dose of drag while Rupaul’s Drag Race is on hiatus, or for those of us who are still recovering from the shock of Tyra being crowned last season’s winner (everyone knows that Raven should have won), there’s a fierce and fabulous drag competition…
Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. Got questions, drop an e-mail to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix. My girlfriend was giving me a blow job the other day and she stuck her finger up my butt. It sent…
Put that gold AmEx card away. This week is on us. Below, we’ve listed one (at least!) free event for each day of the week: Wynwood galleries, celebrity book signings, climate change talks scored by the Yeah, Yeah Yeahs, and even space-western art films. Monday: Wynwood’s Bas Fischer Invitational highlights…
Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. If you have any questions, drop an e-mail to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix.Dear Mistress,I want to politely ask for your advice. I found out about a dark, secret obsession…
