It’s that time of year again. The flowers are blooming, newborn ducklings are following their suicidal mamas across Biscayne Boulevard, and women of all ages will be sucking on giant penis lollipops like it ain’t no thang when Exxxotica penetrates the Miami Beach Convention Center May 20 to 22. And…
Comedian Reggie Watts’s real name is Reginald Lucien Frank Roger Watts, but there are hundreds more characters living inside him. Launched from Brooklyn’s alt-comedy scene, Watts’s routines are a fluid mix of accents, personae, and musical interludes. They are as disorientating as they are genius. That’s why Conan O’Brien handpicked…
The countdown to Exxxotica Miami Beach has officially begun — look for a counter at the top of the Miami New Times homepage coming soon (not really). There’s nothing quite as fun in the run up to the Miami’s number one porn event as looking at the long (we’re talking…
Genital insertion on video is a multi-billion dollar industry. If you want your piece of the pie, you’re probably going to need some help navigating your way around the sketchy-ass world of fluffers, strap-ons, and overacting. Luckily for you, I’m just the guy to teach you a thing or two…
That Alice from Wonderland is one little strumpet. And we’re not the first to say so. In fact, there’s a long list literary, cinematic, and artistic voices out there that can give you a bunch of sexual interpretations of what falling down a rabbit-hole really means. And the latest, from…
When you were a kid and you got your first bike, you just wanted to ride wild. You rode in the middle of the street, played chicken with your friends, etc. Now that Miami is making cycling more accessible, with bike lanes and DecoBike rentals popping up all over the…
When the forefathers of Cultist convened in a special session to iron out exactly what they thought a culture blog should be, the first thought that popped into their minds was surely WWE’s Monday Night Raw. Think about it: There’s no theater like the drama produced in wrestling. Competition? You…
Unlike its sister art forms that hang neatly in pristine galleries, graffiti offers no dainty placards to explain technique, meaning, or message. Three- or four-letter tags and, occasionally, year and crew, are the only hints at the personalities behind the spray cans and the stories hidden in the curves of…
It’s been more than five months since Cultist sullied its web pages with mention of Bad Girls Club Miami. Yeah, that’s long enough. Time to bring the hoochies back. But before you commit virtual suicide and fling your laptop into the Atlantic, relax, we’re not talking about another reunion. It’s…
Come this Wednesday you may be inclined to put on your snappiest black-light friendly Snuggie, dim the lights, softly play Bob Marley’s Legend, and eat Funyuns wrapped inside of Fruit Roll-ups with a side of pickles and Mountain Dew. Or if you’re a less festive pot head, you may have…
Ever watch a polo match and think, that’d be fun to play? Probably not. Mounting ponies and dodging swinging mallets and hard-ass balls is not exactly part of our regular sports diet in South Florida, with apologies to Palm Beach socialites and fans of Miami Beach Polo World Cup. For…
When we say Miss Richfield 1981 has balls — we mean it two ways. For starters, if she uttered her off-color comedy off-stage, she’d likely get run out of town. Secondly, she’s also a dude dressed like a lady. You’ll recognize the aging Minnesota pageant queen by her giant black…
In Charles Perez’s autobiography, Confessions of a Gay Anchorman, he slams the news team at WABC in New York for being a bunch of overpaid, homophobic meanies (with the exception of Sade Baderinwa). He trashes Diana Williams, Liz Cho, Bill Ritter, and particularly Sam Champion, though.Perez started his career in television…
X-Ray vision. Super-human strength. The ability to read minds. Flying. And, the power to become invisible (especially, in the middle of tax season). We all wish we had superpowers. But we don’t. And that sucks. Like any adolescent geek into comic books and superheroes, Cultist feels your pain. We figure…
Why hand lotion? Because you’ll be forwarding this post to all your like-minded adult pals, and all that clicking might make your fingers get blisters. Why? What were you thinking, you perv!? Exxxotica Miami Beach has become queen bee among Miami Beach’s many debauch events. It’s the only time of…
You have to hand it to DJ Tamara Sky. After being subjected to undeserved vitriol for winning Best Club DJ in our Best of Miami issue, Sky took it all in stride. It’s just not her style. Sure she gets aggravated when people (i.e., men) try to put down female…
Advances in science and technology have been able to improve the quality of life for people such as Joan Rivers and Heidi Montag. Fortunately, the animal kingdom will now also benefit from such lifesaving procedures.Boris, a once obese but now just hefty pig, is going to “have some work done.”…
Sure, James Franco is hot. Super hot. And hey, when an actor’s been involved with projects like Freaks and Geeks, Spider Man, Milk, Howl, and Pineapple Express (we’ll just pretend like Eat, Pray, Love and Tristan & Isolde never happened), it’s easy to like them. Because those are all cool…
Don’t know which hand to hold the whip in? Get sex, love, relationship advice from Mistress Lera by emailing askadomme@miaminewtimes.com. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix.Dear Mistress Lera,I heard the terms “lifestyle domme” and “professional domme” one too many times, especially on the fem- domme…
It happens fast. Twenty-five seconds to be exact. You’re in a car, driving around, when you suddenly spot her. She’s wrapped tightly in cellophane to a sign pointing to South Beach. She doesn’t struggle. She looks at every passing car without even a hint of embarrassment. Is it some sort…
The Miami Herald reports that Andy Cohen is this year’s grand marshal for the Miami Beach Gay Pride Parade and Festival, which starts April 12. We ran into Cohen, Bravo’s Executive Vice President of Original Programming and Development, at the Eden Roc last week, where he told us he loved…
Keeping in touch with old friends, networking, sharing with family — all are excuses for people to keep running to check their newsfeed every 15 minutes. Since the explosion of Facebook in 2004, the site has grown to include over 500 million users. People from different sides of the globe…
