Foie Wars

The goose is nothing, but man has made of it an instrument for the output of a marvelous product, a kind of living hothouse in which there grows the supreme fruit of gastronomy. — Charles Gérard, L’Ancienne Alsace à Table The question is not “Can they reason?” nor “Can they…

Bali Low

You can’t please everyone, but try telling that to restaurateurs. It is just a matter of time before “sushi tapas” begin showing up on Spanish menus — or, for that matter, Japanese menus. Or Chinese. Or Thai. Or at Sushi Bali, an Indonesian-Japanese-sushi restaurant that, for good measure, also offers…

Argentine Glory

Argentina and asado (beef barbecue): synonymous? Not only in Miami but also everywhere in Argentina — with the exception of cosmopolitan Buenos Aires — it seems that nation’s cuisine consists of grilled beef, more grilled beef, the occasional pizza (often grilled, on the same parrilla as the beef), and then…

Think Inside the Box

Drive along the turnpike through Homestead and Florida City these days and you cannot help but recall the lyrics to “Little Boxes,” Sixties-era folk singer Malvina Reynolds’s famous tune: “Little boxes made of ticky tacky/And they all look just the same.” Well, yes. For those of us who cannot afford…

Borderline

My wife has more than once accused me of being narrow-minded when it comes to the hot-button topic of immigration. She has even called my main talking point on the issue simplistic. I admit nothing of the sort, although I acknowledge the slogan “No Mexican immigrants, no Mexican restaurants —…

Chang’s Changes Chinese

Maybe it’s the typically drab décor of neighborhood Chinese restaurants that puts you off. Perhaps it’s the frustration of not being able to translate the menus on the wall or comprehend the nightly specials as inventively enunciated by your Chinese waiter. Is it possible you are creeped out by murky-water…

From Wok to Weapon

Despite many mediocre meals and the occasional dangerous one — food poisoning is an occupational hazard — food-writing is fun. Rarely does a dish move me to thoughts of murder and mayhem. That level of ire generally seems a more appropriate reaction to, say, our president than an equally clueless,…

The Skinny on Social

We hear it over and over: Americans are too fat. Even the numbers are becoming familiar: 64 percent of the population is overweight, 30 percent of whom are obese. A recent 136-page report blames the nation’s 900,000 restaurants and food-service establishments. The paper, prepared by an education group called the…

Try It on for Size

Less is more — or is it? With apologies to modernist architect Mies van der Rohe, less seems more like loss, at least with regard to the removal of the humongous high-heel shoe sculpture that formerly occupied the Melin Building’s courtyard. Thanks to this festively mirror-festooned, two-story-tall, Cinderella-like slipper —…

Send in the Frowns

An instrumental version of “Send in the Clowns” was playing as we entered Casa Nostra, an Italian restaurant at the intersection of Mary and Oak streets in Coconut Grove. It’s the sort of schmaltzy song you might hear in a neighborhood Italian joint in Brooklyn or Jersey, which is what…

Fill ‘Er Up on Fine Wine and Tapas

Some of the best tapas in Miami can be found at a gas station. “Right,” you say. “I want some of what he’s been smokin’.” My response is simple: Yes, that’s right. And, no, you can’t have any. If you don’t believe me, then join the sludge of traffic oozing…

Not So Good Old Days

The good old days ain’t what they used to be. Take Fox’s Sherron Inn. Created in 1946, its scruffy, blue-collar ambiance; midnight-in-an-inkwell lighting; and jukebox full of tunes by Frank Sinatra, Johnny Mathis, and Patsy Cline say “bygone era” the same way Dick Cheney’s lip-curling death leer says war-mongering greedhead…

Lounging Around

Lounges that serve food provide one-stop shopping for those interested in dinner, drinks, and a high-spirited evening of socializing without having to get into and out of automobiles in between. Staying put in one place saves time. It saves gas. It also prevents the heartache of abandoning a prize parking…

The Miami Underground

A debuted two months ago on the northern fringe of Miami’s Design District. It is named for the train line that traverses three boroughs of New York City. The moniker makes sense in light of the original A being located on Manhattan’s Upper West Side, but the spare and funky…

Simple and Stylish

Since opening a few months ago, Lost & Found Saloon has lived up to its name: Lost behind bulldozers and mounds of street construction, this tiny Southwestern-theme neighborhood eatery/wine-and-beer bar has been difficult to find. But those who have waded through the clouds of construction dust have discovered what the…

Sambal Stumbles

Those who relish a waterfront disaster need not rely on the silver screen’s Poseidon: Just head to Café Sambal for dinner. Well, perhaps that is a bit harsh. The sushi bar tenders a first-rate array of pristine maki rolls, nigiri sushi, sashimi, and temaki (cones) — even the California roll,…

The Real Thing

If you really want to bitch-slap a restaurateur, taste his food and then say, “It’s not authentic.” The words should be delivered with an audible sniff, as if someone launched a particularly foul cloud of gas in your direction. The tone should be haughty, dismissive, condescending — the same tone…

Upstairs, Downstairs

If the comprehensive story of hotel dining is ever written, it should be titled Upstairs, Downstairs, Downstairs. Upscale restaurants are generally located upstairs, often on the top floor. (If it’s a Hyatt, the room might even rotate.) Informal eateries tend to be situated at street level, thus easily accessible from…

When Sandwiches Were Simple

Claiming to make “the best damn sandwich on the planet,” as Big Slick’s Deli does, is no small feat, considering the competition. In Manhattan, Craft’s famed New American chef Tom Colicchio recently opened Witchcraft, where the tuna fish sandwich is an innovative — and high-quality — combination of Sicilian tuna,…

Flapjack Flip-Off VI

When it comes to contests, the number six has historically portended unexpected outcomes. The sixth Summer Olympics, for instance, were to take place in Berlin in 1916 but were canceled because of World War I. Cavalcade copped top prize at the sixth annual Academy Awards in 1933, and nobody has…

The Bitch of Expectations

Expectations are a bitch. Take Creek 28. Before coming to the cozy little restaurant in the off-the-eatin’-path Indian Creek Hotel, chef Kira Volz made the Abbey Dining Room — in the almost as obscurely located Abbey Hotel — into one of the best least-known dining spots on the Beach. It…

A Couple of Kebab-eries

Jafar Shabani, who formerly owned The Fifth Street Market and La Factoria on Collins Avenue in South Beach, says Persian food is what he wanted to do all along. Jafar, born in Tehran and raised in Toronto, fulfilled this ambition by opening Rice House of Kabob on the Beach a…