Don’t Get Your Free Beach Towing VIP Decal Right Here

Editor’s Note: In this blog post, Miami New Times did not imply or intend to imply that Beach Towing violated the law by distributing VIP parking decals. Beach Towing’s attorney says the decals identify “the owners of vehicles who reside at certain condominiums in contrast to persons who are parked…

McKeon’s Musings: This San Francisco Team Is Mighty Queer

Jack McKeon, the 80-year-old interim manager of the Florida Marlins, is Riptide’s interim semiregular columnist. This week’s topic: the San Francisco Giants. I was on the bullpen phone with Corny the other day when he reminded me that San Francisco is coming to town. I just about barfed my chaw…

Five Reasons Jay-Z and Kanye’s “Otis” Video Totally Sucks

Earlier in the week, Crossfade reported on the new Hova-slash-Yeezy collabo “Otis” and how the track totally misses the point of the original Otis Redding song it samples. Put simply, this pair of premiere rap man-baby millionaires has, quite predictably, substituted soul for swag. Well, MTV debuted the video last…

Marc Sarnoff Shares Office Space With Mysterious Campaign Consultant

There is a new, mysterious player in Miami electioneering. According to Miami city Commissioner Marc Sarnoff’s most recent quarterly finance report, his re-election campaign paid $23,409 between May 11 and June 29 for “promotional materials” to a company called Rodman. The firm lists its address at 201 S. Biscayne Blvd.,…

Weight Loss Surgery Is the Easy Way Out

​US News & World Report recently noted that gastric bypass surgery not only cuts your appetite but also might reduce your desire for high-fat foods. Over the years, I’ve had friends who have suffered through gastric bypass or lap band procedures. They’ve all shed weight as if they had made…

1981: Miami’s Deadliest Summer

Thirty years ago today, the Miami-Dade morgue had more dead bodies than it could handle. So to keep the surplus cadavers on ice, the medical examiner’s office leased a refrigerated truck. The $800-a-month rental was a symbol of Miami’s ignominious distinction as the nation’s murder capital, largely as a result…

Food52, Foodzie, OpenSky: Top Sites for Online Food Shopping

Food is fun to shop for, sometimes even more so than clothes or electronics. Be honest. How many hours do you spend at your supermarket or even at a Williams-Sonoma? But what do you do when you can’t find certain things at your local spot? We’re here to help with…

Wine and Spirits You Should Drink Now!

Manhattans are classic, and mojitos are perfect for beating the summer heat. Remember apple martinis? Those were tasty, but definitely a trend. What drinking trends can you expect in the coming year? Here’s a list of what everyone will be imbibing:…

Tomas Regalado Compares Himself to Bill Clinton

In today’s Miami Herald, you’ll find an article by Miami City Hall beat reporter Charles Rabin that blathers on about Mayor Tomás Regalado’s allegedly unflappable resiliency. Rabin, late to the game by a week, notes Regalado is facing a recall threat from the police and fire unions as the city faces…

Santana, Pharrell, and Lil Jon: Celebrities With Liquor Brands

These days it’s not enough to have just one job. In this economy, you have to be a hustler to get by. If you’re lucky, maybe you’ll even be successful.Celebrities are no different; they like to have their hands in the cookie jar too. It’s easy to criticize stars –…

Miami Dolphins Will Suck Again This Year

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the sad state of Miami’s NFL franchise.While AFC division rivals the New England Patriots and the…

Fashion Freakouts at Ke$ha’s Get $leazy Tour

​No doubt there was plenty of $leaziness going on at the Ke$ha show last night. We’re talking drunk dudes, wasted moms pulling down their tube tops, people with crunchy hair booty dancing on their seated friends. It was a little bit of a shit show. The way that people were…

Vegan Black Metal Chef Makes Tempura Asparagus Sushi

In this third installment of his web cooking series, Vegan Black Metal Chef once again unleashes the powers of seitan to make tempura asparagus sushi.As he growls and sings through the recipe, Vegan Black Metal Chef shows us how to make wasabi at home (because the green stuff in a…

Rick Ross Joins Wingstop Chicken Franchise and Drops Maybach Munchies Mixtape

Miami rapper Rick Ross has announced a new development deal with chicken franchise Wingstop. The partnership makes a lot of sense for The Boss, who, according to his single “M.C. Hammer” is quite regularly “fiending” the chain’s delicious wings. Rozay told AllHipHop.com that, “After tasting Wingstop’s signature lemon-pepper flavored wings…