Friday Food Funnies: Random Knee-Slappers

He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. ~Milton BerleThere’s a pizza place near where I live that only sells slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air. ~Steven WrightCandy Corn is the only…

MP3 of the Day: Induce’s New Hometeam Podcast

Manuvers and Induce are part of the Hometeam series of podcasters that I blogged about last week. The current edition from Induce is a blast that really digs into some awesome soul, funk, and other classic black musical forms, highlighting the local DJ’s encyclopedic knowledge of music. In fact it’s…

More Suggested Restaurant Mottos

Part of our ongoing series of snappy slogan suggestions for local restaurateurs. Solea at the W in South Beach: At last: An upscale Mediterranean restaurant in a fancy hotel!Area 31: No dude, we’re not about UFO’s.La Paloma: John McCain says our ambiance reminds him of his great-grandmother’s house!Asia de Cuba:…

Letters from the Issue of July 9, 2009

Deportation Debate The government is wrong: “Immigrant Crackdown” (Tim Elfrink, July 2) got it right. It is not just violent criminals who are put on immigration hold. I know three people who were deported for driving without a license. The authorities are tearing families apart. My husband is an immigrant,…

Peel the Vote ’09: Shock Jock for Commish

He didn’t win the mayor’s seat in 2005, but Spanish-language radio host Enrique Santos is considering a second run at public office.The popular shock jock, who mans the morning show for La Kalle 98.3, is looking to join the already crowded race to take over Miami City Commissioner Joe Sanchez’s…

MP3 of the Day: A DJ A-Train Mix

When New Times got with DJ A-Train a few months back, the neo-classicist head spinner was holding court every Tuesday night at the Vagabond’s beat-crazy Stone Groove, and every Saturday for the same joint’s long-running Back Door Bamby. Well, guess what? He’s still holding it down at Bamby, but has…

Moving Units: Top Five Albums at Local Independent Music Stores

Moving Units is a column on Crossfade tracking the best-selling music at South Florida independent record stores. Click here to view past top sellers.Best-sellers for the week of June 28- July 3Uncle Sam’s Music, South Beach1. Wilco, Wilco2. Subliminal Sessions, Erick Morillo3. Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King, Dave Matthews…

Message to Pols: Give Taxpayers Back that Dirty Money

Because I penned two posts on corrupt businessman Antonio Junior earlier this week, former New Times scribe Kirk Nielsen turned me on to an opinion piece he wrote for Poder magazine last year. My sometime wingman suggested that tainted political campaign contributions be returned to taxpayers. And when I say “tainted,”…

Friday Food Funnies: Silly Stuff

Sign on bakery window: Cake 66 cents; upside-down cake 99 cents.Diner: Waiter, do you have any lobster tails?Waiter: Certainly, sir. Once upon a time there was a little lobster…Sign at dairy farm: You can whip our cream, but you can’t beat our milk.One thing is for certain about organic farms:…

MP3 of the Day: “Is It Me” By Jim Camacho

As new numbers for jobs lost come out this month, everyone is filled with anxiety, anxiety about pursuing dream jobs vs. realizing responsibilities and weathering the economic storm. But at the same time everyone maintains hope, that ever-overused word that got pounded into our subconscious with Obama’s election. Musicians, however,…