People often ask me: “Jim, is the county always going to be a mess? Are corruption and incompetence so pervasive that eliminating them is simply impossible?” I’ll grimace slightly in response, nod my head, and say, “I sure as shit hope so. Otherwise I’ll be out of a job.” Lately,…
No Class and No Response I want to thank Ted B. Kissell for keeping the William Clarke scandal alive (“No Class,” May 27). Following his first informative article, I launched my own campaign to have this parasite removed from the school-district payrolls. I have been met with complete indifference at…
Lead Stories *Practicing Up for Yugoslavia: In April an air force pilot training at the Warren Grove Bombing Range in New Jersey missed his target by a mile and a half, landing in a state forest preserve, and starting a fire that burned more than eighteen square miles. Leading Economic…
If events at Miami International Airport took the form of a Western, then three months ago G.T. “Tom” Arnold would have walked into one of the airport saloons, tossed his Stetson on the bar, and announced his arrival by declaring, “Boys, there’s a new sheriff in town, and there’s gonna…
Memo to Feds: Wake Up! Jim DeFede’s column “Inside Job, Part 2” (May 20), dealing with bail-bond “king” Jim Viola and corrupt guards at the Miami-Dade County Jail, was a great follow-up story to “Inside Job” (May 6). “Part 2” only reinforces the popular belief that U.S. law-enforcement agencies (more…
Lead Stories *An April Associated Press report from Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, described recent intense competition for dead bodies. The government has been offering $100 to any family that will relocate deceased relatives’ bodies from a certain graveyard to another, to make way for a new road. Families that declined,…
Lord, Govern Yourself Accordingly Regarding Jacob Bernstein’s “Shhhhh: Nature in Progress” (May 13), here is a draft letter to God the Almighty, from lobbyist Miguel DeGrandy: Dear God, Reference the natural treasure Biscayne National Park you put next to South Dade. It is in the wrong place and must be…
Lead Stories *Frenchman Richard Moureau upset Brit Terry Burrows in the European Window Cleaning Championship in Paris in March by wetting and streaklessly wiping three standard panes in 14.31 seconds. Moureau’s time was very fast, but according to a Wall Street Journal report, a jurisdictional dispute between the International Window…
MEMO Date: May 20, 1999 To: The Dade State Attorney’s Office, The Miami-Dade Police Department, The Miami-Dade Corrections and Rehabilitation Department, The Florida Division of Insurance, The Federal Bureau of Investigation (Miami Field Office), The United States Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of Florida, and The Internal Revenue Service…
Recently I devoted this space to a modest essay about the renaissance of Miami Beach’s Lincoln Road Mall. The headline: “Lincoln Road Miracle: From Scruffy Derelict to Enchanting Shoppers’ Paradise.” The piece generated a fair amount of mail, most of which we published the following week. We didn’t have room…
I love baseball. And being a Yankees fan, I also love to watch the Baltimore Orioles get clobbered. So last week’s game between the O’s and a group of Cuban all-stars was great fun for me. I must admit, though, that while watching this particular game, as well as the…
Lead Stories *According to an April Associated Press report, the University of Illinois managed to find women to fill fifteen laboratory positions in which the only job is to sniff pig manure. They work three hours per week at $15 an hour attempting to recognize certain chemical markers in the…
Lead Stories *New Scientist magazine reported in April on findings showing that weaker males of two animal species father almost as many offspring as their studly competitors. Researcher Brian Preston told a conference in Newcastle, England, that strong rams get more sex but that toward the end of mating season,…
Lincoln Road: It’s “Ironic” I just finished Jim Mullin’s wonderful take on the new Lincoln Road (“Lincoln Road Miracle: From Scruffy Derelict to Enchanting Shoppers’ Paradise,” April 29). The only problem is that some people won’t understand the irony! As a merchant there for the past seven years, I have…
StreetSmarts: Alive and Well, Thank You Your report of StreetSmarts magazine’s demise (“Riptide,” April 22) is, as they say, greatly exaggerated. StreetSmarts will continue to publish. We must. Who else creates meaningful, dignified employment for South Florida’s homeless and hard-core unemployed? Only StreetSmarts takes anyone willing to work, trains them…
I know I’m not alone in wishing to express my gratitude to those Miami Beach leaders who have done so much to revitalize Lincoln Road. An appropriate opportunity for praise occurred a couple of weeks ago, on April 13, when city officials gathered to commemorate the installation of the final…
Lead Stories *According to an April New York Times report, the purchase price of giant stag beetles in Japan has dropped recently to about $300 from the early-1990s price of about $6000. The beetles, which resemble four-inch-long cockroaches, are traditional Japanese pets that, according to insect salesman Katsutoshi Misaki, “have…
Norland — It’s the Bomb! My son is in tenth grade at Miami Norland Senior High. As a believer in the education system, I took his reports of conditions at Norland with a grain of salt. So Ted B. Kissell’s article (“Blackboard Bungle,” April 8) was not only a shock…
Lead Stories *England’s Plymouth University announced in March that it would offer an “academically rigorous” bachelor’s degree in surfing beginning in September. The degree will be known formally as Surf Science and Technology and will offer research opportunities in surfboard, wet suit, and accessory design, and furnish to society not…
Not All High School Principals Are Embarrassments Ted Kissell’s article “Blackboard Bungle” (April 8), about Norland High School principal Carroll E. Williams, makes me even prouder to have been associated with Mr. J.J. Norton, principal at Coral Gables Senior High School during the Sixties. Mr. Norton’s expertise and uncanny administrative…
Lead Stories *The Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority in Glasgow, Scotland, announced a cutback in services in March because there was only one sperm donor left in the city, and even he will face mandatory retirement after impregnating ten women. Although the donor was not identified or described, officials warned…
The witness, having been duly sworn, appeared on Monday, April 12, 1999, before the grand jury investigating county lobbyists. “Please state your name for the record.” “Jim DeFede.” “Now, Mr. DeFede,” the prosecutor begins, “I see here that …” The prosecutor hesitates, shuffles through a stack of papers. “Excuse me,…
