Julio Sanchez began planning his daughter’s quinceañera almost three years in advance. One of the things the Cuban-American loved about his daughter Janessa was her thoughtfulness, and she decided a small, inexpensive get-together would do just fine when the time came. Nothing like the elaborate, $20,000 blowouts some of her…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke pontificates on TV’s most titillating program. Black women across America are jonesing for the return of Scandal, a…
More and more people are willing to brand themselves with their favorite product’s logo — and pay for it. Iconic logos like Coca-Cola and Budweiser are available in wearables such as T-shirts, hats, and board shorts, which people happily purchase to showcase their favorite food or drink. Now that fad…
Don’t be a drag, just be a queen … Or a male bartender dressed up as Miss Magnolia Thunderpussy, Ivanna Shaker, Roxy Rodriguez, and the rest of the fierce bitches at Blackbird Ordinary’s Speed Drag. Male bartenders from the Broken Shaker, Haven, and other local watering holes unleashed their inner…
False doctor Tony Bosch, who beat the system in Florida after supplying more than a dozen top athletes with anti-aging drugs, spoke with 60 Minutes Sunday. In a series of story that more than confirmed groundbreaking Miami New Times stories about Biogenesis, Bosch’s Coral Gables clinic, the son of Coral…
Real Housewives of Miami cast member Lisa Hochstein and her husband Dr. Lenny “Boob God” Hochstien are currently in a war with preservations to tear down a historic Star Island mansion and build the party house of their dreams, but they’ve already deprived Star Island of another icon: Rosie O’Donnell…
Meet Anthony Bourdain. Chef, author, television host, comic book writer, publisher, professional Twitterer, and now food court mogul. Oh, yes, kiddies. Page Six of the New York Post has shared the exclusive scoop that Bourdain is planning on opening a food court spotlighting all the street food he’s been raving…
Big news today is that New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie fulfilled everyone’s political expectations and killed his own candidacy for the Republican nomination for presidency in 2016. A top aide, it seems, pushed for “traffic problems” in the city of Fort Lee as retribution against a mayor who wouldn’t back…
For several decades now, Tropical Chinese Restaurant has been serving its a la carte dim sum menu across the street from Tropical Park on Bird Road. Many Miami foodies swear by the place, insisting that Tropical Chinese serves the “best dim sum” in the county. Whether or not you agree,…
Miami Northwestern Senior High Principal Wallace Aristide has done the unthinkable. He has turned the school into an academic institution that received its first A grade this year. Aristide has now fulfilled the vision of his predecessor, Charles Hankerson. Hankerson, you might recall, is the former principal who butted heads…
The Masked Man Dude is crazy: Obviously, Ericson Harrell, the police officer throwing a fit about getting arrested in a Guy Fawkes mask (“The Cop Behind the Mask,” Terrence McCoy, January 2), is having some sort of brain issue that is causing delusional thinking and mild schizophrenia and paranoia. Most…
Edible Anus via FacebookImagine the surprise when your boss opens this.Did you ever have to give a gift to someone who’s, well, a bit of an asshole? We’ve found the perfect present: Edible Anus! It’s exactly what you think it is. Fine Belgian chocolate in the shape of a butthole…
[Editor’s Note: In his column Serrano Time, award-winning scribe and goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times.] Right now, Pitbull’s “Timber,” featuring Ke$ha, is number two on Billboard and number one on my GTFOH chart. I don’t remember the first time I heard this song — it seems…
Over the past two weeks, half a dozen current and former Publix employees have contacted New Times to complain that the company discriminates against gay workers. One went as far as to say he’d been treated like a “second-class” citizen by the supermarket chain. Publix denies the allegations. But there…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the reformation of a once-failing school. Miami Northwestern Senior High Principal Wallace Aristide has done the unthinkable…
It was the first weekend of 2014. Dudes in handlebar mustaches and bushy beards and ladies in beanies, combat boots, and plaid skirts crowded the back patio of Gramps. With a glass of Penicillin on one hand and a cigarette on the other, the (mainly) hipster crew in the Wynwood…
I dunno. I guess I just want to gloat. It is 15 degrees below zero in Chicago right now. It’s -21 in my hometown of Minneapolis, Minnesota. New York is gonna be 9 degrees tonight. It’s 70 degrees at my house. Maybe I’ll take a dip in the pool…
Could you imagine getting all of your meals — breakfast, lunch, and dinner — from one eatery for an entire year? Well, Beautiful Existence (yes, her legal name) did just that. What restaurant did the Seattle woman choose? Starbucks, naturally. For each day in 2013, Existence ate all of her…
[Editor’s Note: In his column Serrano Time, award-winning scribe and goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times.] Dear 2013, Oh, man. So you’re officially over. That’s kind of sad. You were mostly a very dope year — at least for me, anyway, and truth be told, that’s all…
At the Russell Athletic Bowl last weekend, Teddy Bridgewater and his University of Louisville teammates from Miami went on a riot. They looted the University of Miami football program they grew up rooting for and demolished it 36-9. Bridgewater and fellow Miamians Michaelee Harris, Eli Rodgers, John Miller, Charles Gaines,…
Bully BS Not funny: I can’t figure out who the writer of your year-in-review piece (“The Year of the Bully,” Michael E. Miller, December 26) is trying harder to be: Dave Barry or Hunter S. Thompson. This is worse than the crap we used to crank out at my college…
Do you hear that? It’s the sound of another year dissolving into yesterday. All your words, thoughts and actions of 2013 have been locked into place. We hope your regrets are few and your memories fond. Let’s have one more moment of silence for the past. Alright! Now, let’s look…
