Drew Rosenhaus Is the Gordon Gekko of Sports Agents

​Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke expresses his anger at the guy who inspired Jerry Maguire.So-called sports superagent Drew Rosenhaus has made millions…

Ten Reasons the 2012 Grammys Are a Total Joke

As popular culture continues to be consumed by a seemingly inexhaustible inferno of idiocy – dubstep trickle down, reunion shows, Drake, the list goes on – the Recording Academy is putting on their best Nero costumes and getting their fiddles nice and tuned. Yes. That’s right. It’s fucking Grammy season…

No Eating Human Fetuses, Says Senator Ralph Shortey

There have been plenty of f’d up news stories coming out of South Florida, but the more and more I read about wampeters, granfalloons, and nut bags that make up the rest of our country, I start to think that it may, after all, be safe to drink the water.Freshman…

Disney’s Mickey Mouse Joy Division T-Shirt: How I’m Out $300

Midnight on Saturday, I found myself walking down Main Street U.S.A. after a long day at the Magic Kingdom. I was there to celebrate my sister’s birthday and had met up along with former New Times music editor Arielle Castillo, Ocean Drive’s Crissy Borges, and their respective significant others. After…

Philippe Chow vs. Mr. Chow: I Think Mr. Has a Point

The long awaited legal battle between Michael Chow (Mr. Chow) and Philippe Chow (Philippe by Philippe Chow) began in a Miami federal courtroom on Monday. Mr. Michael Chow is seeking over $20 million in damages for trademark infringement. I’ll leave it up to the lawyers to hash out the legalities,…

Nickelback Reacts to Haters, Crossfade Pushes Buttons

Sticks and stones may break their bones, but words really hurt Nickelback. According to a recent article on rollingstone.com, Nickelback is “annoyed with all this constant ridicule.” They’re sick of taking cheap shots from critics for their lame brand of mainstream radio rock, and they’re especially pissed off about petitions…