Republican Univision Debate: Fear, Not Rubio, the Driving Factor

Five Republican candidates — including Mitt Romney, Jon Huntsman, and Rick Perry — have pulled out of a Univision debate in January. Why? Allegedly it is because of a comment the head of the blockbuster Spanish-language channel made to Florida Sen. Marco Rubio’s people while attempting to blackmail the senator…

Yelpers Tricia and Johanna are Coffee Snobs

Back in June, we were treated to the inner world of that most annoying breed of restaurant-goer — the Yelper. In Funny or Die’s parody, we’re treated to Tricia and Johanna Yelping about everything from the disappointing sunset to their own apartment (‘weird smell, cat not attentive”)…

Mickey D’s McFlurry vs BK’s Soft Serve Ice Cream

You’ve probably seen Burger King’s latest commercial featuring their newest dessert options including one that looks a lot like McDonald’s McFlurry. The commercial, of course, is fairytale in nature featuring a Willy Wonka portrayal of the soft serve and its accompaniments of flowing chocolate, rich brownies and sunny peaches. Enticing? It got us to interested in comparing it to the iconic McFlurry.

Steve Bateman Really Knows How To Treat His Buddies

​It’s great to have Homestead Mayor Steven Bateman as a pal when you don’t want to pay a city bill. Consider the case of Prime Home Builders, a company owned by a family of real estate developers that has donated more than five grand to Bateman’s re-election campaign. On November 16,…

Cow Heart Makes Hearts Stop

Each week’s edition of Show & Tell gets more adventurous. It’s organ time! Usually ceviche is the first dish that comes to mind when thinking of Peruvian food, at least for nonnatives. That’s what some Short Order writers thought even before the white Styrofoam box was opened; they were in…

Dolphins Need John Gruden to Be Their Coach

Alex Izaguirre The only way Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross can salvage this season is if he convinces John Gruden to leave the Monday Night Football television booth. The former Tampa Bay Buccaneers head man is the only candidate out there who can come in and quickly fix the shit storm…

Overanxious Florida Republicans May Ensure Obama Win

​A Florida commission appointed by Republicans will likely vote today to move up the state’s Republican primary election to January 31.Though party muckety-mucks are still working on a compromise that could delay the election until February 21, the decision will probably create chaos.Given last week’s victory of Godfather’s Pizza founder…

X Factor: Ten Most Annoying Moments from Last Night’s Episode

It was a huge challenge to narrow down the hundreds of annoying things about last night’s X Factor to a nice, tight ten. But we did it! The auditions continued in Chicago and Seattle. We sat through two hours of clips of people with a small amount of talent competing…

Nick Navarro Put Me In Jail and Put People To Work

Luther “Luke” Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. In this special edition, Luke remembers the man who had him arrested for singing obscene lyrics.Nick Navarro was the Made-For-TV-Sheriff…

What Miami Needs: Great Bread

Giant rounds of Jewish-style onion-rye bread float through my dreams, float through clear blue sky, float in slow motion as though taking part in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Behind the rye are enormous loaves of pumpernickel bread, hearty grain breads encrusted with oats and seeds, bright yellow challah breads,…

Corina Esquijarosa, Embattled North Bay Village Mayor, Gets Canned

North Bay Village Mayor Corina Esquijarosa now has more time to fight the recall effort against her. She’s been laid off from her job as a project representative for the city of Miami Public Facilities Department. Esquijarosa’s position, which paid her an annual $97,000 salary and benefits package, was eliminated…

Deirdre DiBiaggio and Katie Carmichael: Let ‘Em Get Hitched!

Two Miami lesbians are getting the shaft from a town clerk in New York.Of course, Deirdre DiBiaggio and Katie Carmichael can’t get married in Miami Beach, where they live in a $400,000 home near Alton Road and 42nd Street. DiBiaggio is an attorney. Carmichael is a filmmaker.Rose Marie Belforti, from the…

Genting Group’s $3 Billion Resorts World Miami Includes Public Land

In this week’s Miami New Times, we take a peek at the brewing battle over the The Genting Group’s grandiose plan to redevelop the Miami Herald’s storied waterfront home into a gigantic casino resort,  Leading the criticism is former Miami Mayor Joe Carollo, who warns the Malaysian gambling conglomerate is trying to…

Gastric Bypass Hypnosis Surgery Halfway Point

As I mentioned before, I was going to try Rena Greenberg’s Gastric Bypass Hypnosis Surgery program, a non-invasive tool to help me lose weight.The program consists of several CDs, one of which is the actual “surgery.” Greenberg’s voice guides you through the experience of having gastric bypass surgery so that…