Ten Totally Tubular ’80s Cartoon Theme Songs

For any kid who grew up in the ’80s, it wasn’t about the content of character. It was about the size of Transformer. After school and Saturday mornings, masses of children spent hour after hour parked in front of turn-knob television screens, adjusting rabbit ears, dying to hear the first…

KC of the Sunshine Band: I Don’t Look Like Rush Limbaugh at a Bar Mitzvah!

Between 1974 and ’78, America’s youth got hooked on a truly putrid form of faddish dance music called disco. The shirts were sickeningly shiny. The pants were excruciatingly tight. And Miami’s own KC (born Harry Wayne Casey), along with his Sunshine Band, provided the soundtrack for this sweaty, polyester-clad shuffle…

Maurice Kutner, Divorce Lawyer To The Stars, Beats A Bad Rap

Divorce lawyer Maurice Kutner was feeling vindicated when he dialed up Banana Republican last week. “She lied about everything concerning me,” Kutner said. “It was very distasteful to experience this. I run my practice by the book.”Two years ago, a former client claimed Kutner had duped her into rejecting a…

Madonna Confirms New, Overhyped Album on Swedish Television

Our list of celebrity MILFs over 50 is short. In fact, it only consist of one incredibly sexy, adorably gap-toothed pentagenarian. And like a virgin touched for the very first time, we’d probably last less than 30 seconds with her. Ironically, that’s also how long we can stomach her music…

Kirby Hocutt: The UM Scandal’s Real Villain

Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke wonders when the NCAA will drop the hammer on former University of Miami athletic director Kirby Hocutt.Now that…

The Journey Home From Voice of the Valley Noise Rally 2011

Read the remaining entries from Roofless Records, Bleeding Palm, and Crossfade’s road trip diary. Voice of the Valley Noise Rally Report #5 Pentress, WV/Springfield, VA/Miami, FL 8/28/2011 After we said our farewell to the strange and epic Indian Meadows, we headed to Springfield, Virginia, (Thank you, Patrick and Karen!) to…

Five Band Name Trends That Totally Suck

We’d say kids these don’t know how to name their bands properly, but kids (and, really, we mean grown men, sometimes zillionaires) have been coming up with crappy band names for quite some time now. And it’s only going to get worse. All you need is login info to be…

Kunafa: For Breakfast or Dessert?

Welcome to Short Order Show & Tell, where one of us brings a local delicacy to our weekly staff meeting and we all weigh in on its deliciousness.To kick things off, we begin with the humble Kunafa, a sweet-and-savory pastry from Oriental Bakery in Brickell…

Balare: Sex, Drugs, and Rock ‘n’ Roll Charter School Not First

Even if you like charter schools, and I do, you gotta admit that drunken dancing shouldn’t take place there at night.The new allegations reported by NBC and the Miami Herald that a nightclub was operating out of Balare Academy on Quail Roost Drive ain’t the first. Wild times and perversion are a…

Miami Needs a Great Breakfast Spot (Like O-B House in Fort Lauderdale)

​Miami has breakfast chains such as Denny’s, IHOP, and the like. We boast a few two-bit diners and coffee shops too, as well as fancy hotel establishments that offer ostentatious brunch buffets on weekends. Michael’s Genuine serves cool breakfast items on Sundays, as do perhaps a couple of other restaurants…