Models, Hyenas, Lemurs Oh My!

Usually the only exotic creatures one comes across on South Beach are leggy fashion models. But the American Riviera is an underground wild animal kingdom. This week, we brought you the story of Bryan Hawn, a dude who kept an African spotted hyena in his apartment for almost eleven months…

Dispatches From the 2011 Special Mayoral Election

12:00 p.m.: Just arrived at Norland Methodist Church in Miami Gardens wearing my Luther Campbell for Mayor tee. Holding my yard sign I start stumping for votes as a pair of elderly African American ladies get out of their car. “Punch 17! Don’t let Julio Robaina’s $1.2 million buy the…

Bob Dylan, America’s Greatest Mystic Poet, is 70 Today

The Minnesota Bard is seven decades old today. He is my hero. He is crazy. He owns — or owned – a big yacht. His mom knew my grandma in the North Country, where I was born. He was Jewish, Christian, and turned the Beatles on to LSD….Yackity, yackity. You…

Five Reasons Carlos Gimenez Is The Wrong Man For The Job

Today is the day Miami-Dade voters who did not cast their ballots via absentee or during early voting days get their turn. With that said, we can’t have y’all voting for former county Commissioner Carlos Gimenez, who is playing spoiler to Luther Campbell’s chances to make the run-off against Hialeah…

Voters Know That Luther Campbell Is Dead Serious

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, with the election still hanging in the balance, Luke reflects on the mayoral campaign he made serious.A few…

Five Tips to Help Miami Chum Bucket Get Back on Track

At the end of March, punk music venue and multipurpose space Miami Chum Bucket opened with the chaotic roar of powerviolence virtuosos Gorilla Pussy and the wild churning of an inaugural, non-stop mosh pit. The moment marked the culmination of over a year of fundraising. But less than two months…

15 Food Statistics That Should Make You Cry

2 million: Dogs and cats abused and killed by the international fur industry each year that was made from domesticated dogs. Humane Society of the United States (HSUS). (A previous version of this blog item erroneously reported that Burlington Coat Factory was involved in this activity. The reference arose from…

The Earl Sweatshirt Saga Generates Internet Memes

Last month, Complex reported that Earl Sweatshirt had been tracked down. Odd Future’s 17-year old lyrical mastermind was enrolled at the Coral Reef Academy in Samoa, an “off-shore treatment program for at-risk teenage boys.” A source said Earl had been sent there by his mom because of his “disrespectful music…

Kiwi, Pattypan Squash and Truffle Oil: We Are All Food Phonies

Imagine this: You grew up in a household where the only lettuce served was some mix of wild field greens; it was grown in abundance and very inexpensive. Salads would be inevitably be composed of these greens — sometimes together, sometimes individually, as in arugula salad — tossed with garnishes…

Miami Heat vs. Chicago Bulls: They’re Just a Bunch of Wieners

With the help of local boy Udonis Haslem, the Heat nailed the Bulls last night 85-75. Now we come back to Miami for re-ignition of this NBA Eastern Conference Finals sausage fest on Saturday at 8:30 p.m. Since we’re foodies, not sports handicappers, we decided to do a “playoff” of…

Chicago Bulls Have A Hollering Advantage Over the Miami Heat

​Which team will win the Eastern Conference Finals won’t come down to how great the Miami Heat’s big three perform or how wonderfully efficient the Chicago Bulls’ bench mob execute their tenacious defensive and rebounding skills. No this contest is going to come down to which team has the most…

Ten Crappiest Album Covers of All Time

Remember vinyl LPs? Well, back in the day, album cover design used to be very important work. And there were some pretty sweet masterpieces. But as any crate digger can tell you, for every brilliant piece of art, there were dozens of embarassingly crappy ones. The ’70s and ’80s, in…