Goodbye, Angel Calzadilla

​Any reporter who ever covered cops in Miami knew Angel Calzadilla. And most of us liked the guy. A lot. Now he’s gone…after a long illness. The hombre had patience. New Times called his boss, former Chief John Timoney, “America’s Worst Cop.” Then there was the indictment of former police…

Mugshots Friday: “Big Boy” and the Future Stalker

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken in Miami-Dade County in the previous week. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain-out look more badass than we ever will . This is the italicized intro to that…

Miami Herald Endorses Luther Campbell? Hell Nah! He’s Our Candidate!

Bad enough The Miami Herald poaches New Times stories without giving us credit, but now they want to co-opt our mayoral candidate. Yesterday, the city’s only major daily newspaper published a column by local African American blogger Joy-Ann Reid essentially endorsing Luther Campbell for county mayor. The 726-word opinion piece…

Cavity’s Wounded EP Is a Monument to Feedback, Distortion, and Savagery

Cavity Wounded EP (No! Records) myspace.com/cavitysludge I remember Dan Gorostiaga tracking me down amid the many thoroughfares of Florida International University back in 1998 and giving me a copy of this seven-inch. Like all Cavity releases, it featured great cover art and even better music within its grooves. But like…

Governor Rick Scott Really Understands Blacks. Really!!

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke addresses Gov. Rick Scott’s alienation from African Americans.Last week, Good Ole Gov. Ricky tried to explain to…

Luther Campbell Gives Keynote Speech At Law Symposium

Fresh off his media tour addressing his desire to run for Miami-Dade County mayor, Luther Campbell is dropping his knowledge about the music industry and professional sports at Nova Southeastern University on Saturday.The school’s Shepard Broad Law Center enlisted Uncle Luke to give the keynote address at its sports and…

I brought up Pitbull from a Pitpuppy

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke describes Pitbull’s early struggles in the rap game. When Jennifer Lopez debuted her new single “On the…

Letters from the issue of February 17, 2011

Booked for Shamelessness Live to tell: Your cover story about Andrés López, the Colombian cocaine king turned informant, is a tale of sin, harm, and regrettable neglect, not romance (“Florecita’s Cartel,” Tim Elfrink, February 10). I hope López survives to relate the tragedies, misguidance, and destruction he and others unfortunately…

Justin Bieber Hates American Health Care System, Abortions

The Biebz thinks Americans are “evil,” and according the 16-year-old Canuck, sometimes rape “happens for a reason.” At least, that’s what he told Rolling Stone’s Vanessa Grigoriadis in the forthcoming issue that hits newsstands on February 18. “Canada’s the best country in the world,” he says in the upcoming issue…

Mr. Pauer’s “Cumbión Del Sur” Off New Album Soundtrack

​More than anything, local fans of groovy global sounds probably know Toto Gonzalez (AKA Mr. Pauer) for his behind-the-scenes activities. After founding the Fabrikalink newsletter and promotions arm more than a decade ago, he’s served as a curator for all kinds of multilingual and interesting happening in Miami. And as…

I Raised Pitbull When He Was Just a Pitpuppy

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke describes Pitbull’s early struggles in the rap game.When Jennifer Lopez debuted her new single “On the Floor,”…

Doof Glob: The Food Blog For Dyslexics (Plus Other Niche Ideas)

​There are food blogs aplenty in this land, and lots of niches have been covered. Locally, locavores can dig Mango & Lime, carnivores congregate at The Burger Beast, and French Fry Fairy appeals to fairies — or maybe to those who like fried potatoes. I never have been able to…

Moët I-395 Billboard an Obnoxious & Dangerous Distraction

As though the combination of drinking champagne and driving a car hasn’t created enough traffic accidents over the years, Moët & Chandon is launching a distracting digital billboard visible to drivers heading into Miami Beach via I-395.The billboard ad campaign, which starts today, is called “Miami 16 Seconds of Fame.”…

Mugshots Friday Will Return Next Week

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken in Miami-Dade County in the week previous. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain-out look more badass than we ever will . This is the italicized intro to that…

Brussels Sprouts Love at Top Restos: Screw The Surveys

Google “I hate Brussels Sprouts” and you come up with 128,000 hits. There are surveys from Australia and Britain naming Brussels sprouts the “most hated vegetable”, an “I Hate Brussels Sprouts” Facebook page, and an “I Hate Brussels Sprouts” forum, where you can share your hatred with like minded individuals…

Natacha Seijas and Pepe Diaz Twist The Truth In Contract Flap

County Commissioners Pepe Diaz and Natacha Seijas sure know how to dish out the bullshit when they are trying to help a friend hold on to a lucrative county contract. Two days ago, during the Internal Management & Fiscal Responsibility committee meeting, the pair chided Procurement Director Miriam Singer for…

Letters from the issue of February 10, 2011

Straight Talk Unmasked crusader: Great article profiling bisexual Peruvian talk show host and presidential candidate Jaime Bayly (“Bad Boy Bayly,” Michael Miller, February 3). Aside from all his personal and professional controversies, Bayly fights hypocrisy, unmasking all those liars who go through life pretending they are perfect. I like that…

National Signing Day: pettiness reigns

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke addresses the pettiness of college football’s National Signing Day. On National Signing Day last week, University of…

Dunkin’ Donuts’ “Cupid’s Choice” A Valentine’s Day Let Down

Dunkin Donuts is peddling a curious, heart-shaped sweet. There are two variations of the “Cupid’s Choice” (99 cents each): chocolate with a raspberry jelly filling and vanilla with a custard filling. The latter is painted with a strawberry frosting. The thing had a stale, dry taste that couldn’t be masked…