What the Miami Club Scene Can Learn From Berlin

Wake up in Berlin, Germany, on any given Sunday, check your weather app and the forecast reads: Dreary. You knew this, though. You taste it in your morning breath and smell it in the ashy air. Still, you get up and shower, put on your party pants, and stop by…

Five Ways the Miami Dolphins Improved This Offseason

Hey, remember the Miami Dolphins? The greatest football team? The one that takes the ball from goal-to-goal like no ones ever seen? The one that’s in the air, on the ground, and always in control? No? OK, how about the team that last won a playoff game when Ryan Tannehill…

How to Fix the Miami Heat This Offseason

Now that the Miami Heat’s body is cold, we can officially call it a season and get to work on what the team needs to do to come back even stronger next year. Not only does the NBA offseason feel like the shortest of any sport, but the offseason itself…

UM Football Star Mark Walton Should Be Exonerated in Fishy DUI Case

This past April 23, Mark Walton, a 19-year-old University of Miami running back, was arrested for drunk driving after he failed road sobriety and Breathalyzer tests. Miami Police may have targeted Walton, local media outlets report. The former Booker T. Washington High star is suspended indefinitely from playing for the…

Goran Dragic and Dwyane Wade Wrecked Toronto to Force Game 7

If there’s one thing your Miami Heat have proven this post-season, it’s that they die hard. And now, after Goran Dragic and Dwyane Wade combined their nut-stomping powers to lead the Heat to their 103-91 Game 6 win over the Toronto Raptors, they have a shot at making history on…

The Real Problem With Satire Like Hialeahwood

I always wondered why my hometown of Hialeah had such a bad reputation. Almost every one I’ve met outside of Florida that knows of the city talks shit about it — without ever having stepping foot in it. After watching what was la desgracia que fue the Hialeahwood video on YouTube,…

Miami Heat on Brink of Elimination After Farting Through Game 5

Fresh off a performance for the ages from Dwyane Wade in Monday night’s Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals versus the Toronto Raptors, Miami Heat fans went into Wednesday night’s Game 5 all: But after the Heat got slammed by the Raptors 99-91, and suddenly find themselves on the…

Dwyane Wade Defeated the Toronto Raptors All by Himself

All throughout Sunday and into Monday, Dwyane Wade had to deal with the yammering of a million whining gravy-on-french-fries-eating Canadians about how he supposedly disrespected their national anthem on Saturday afternoon. So, on Monday night, Wade proceeded to make things worse for those hosers by tearing out their collective hearts through…

Five Reasons NFL Draft Gives Dolphins Fans Hope

While April and May have most Miami sports fans dedicating their attention to the basketball team in town, last week, for a few hours at least, the Dolphins got some play. There were some surprisingly interesting things to come out of the NFL Draft, some of which had to do…

Dolphins Drafted a Wide Receiver Who Can Jump Over Himself

Normally, your average Miami Dolphins sixth round draft pick wouldn’t exactly move the fan bases attention needle past a “Huh, cool.” But Texas Tech wide receiver Jakeem Grant, whom the Phins took 186th overall this weekend, is apparently not your average dude. Grant, all 5’6 of him, is a firecracker…

A Blatant No-Call Robbed Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat in Game 5

The Miami Heat’s season is on the brink. And it got there thanks to an inexplicable no-call at the end of Game Five from the referees on a blatant foul against Dwyane Wade.  With 4.5 seconds remaining in the game and Miami down by two, Goran Dragic saw his three-point…

Five Stages of the NFL Draft for Miami Dolphins Fans

Happy NFL-Draft Eve, Dolphins fans! Hold onto your butts, because the next chapter Miami Dolphins draft history is just a day away. It’s like the day before a new season of House of Cards lands, except it’s been going on for fifty seasons, Kevin Spacey retired years ago, and things…

Miami Beach Has No Right to Shut Down Floatopia

Miami Beach Commissioner Michael Grieco recently cast a deciding vote against hosting Fidel Castro’s Cuban consulate in Miami Beach. Now Grieco is acting like a dictator himself. Two weekends ago, the commissioner lost it over the giant mess left behind by people who participated in the annual Floatopia. In front…