Redskins Loss at the Patent Office Changes Nothing

Civil rights activists are hailing the recent decision by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office to cancel six trademarks belonging to the Washington Redskins. The agency ruled the trademarks are offensive to Native Americans. But the ruling doesn’t mean anything. In fact, the decision will be overturned on appeal like…

Reader Mail: Yep, Florida Should Split Into Ten New States

Best of Miami Kudos, compadres: Thank you for giving us locals and visitors this complete information about the best of Miami (“Best of Miami 2014,” Miami New Times staff and contributors, June 19). Keep up the good work! Ana M. Bibas You messed up on this one, though: The fact…

Stay, LeBron: An Open Letter to King James

Dear LeBron, When I first read the news that you’d be opting out of your Miami Heat contract, I have to admit, I was more than a little upset. I imagine many Miamians had the same reaction, from the guy down the block with a picture of your face and…

Gawker Admits Plagiarizing Miami New Times, Suspends Writer

Everything I have ever said about Gawker is false. Everything. The gossip/news (or is it news/gossip?) website this morning admitted inadvertently stealing copy from Miami New Times. We didn’t bring it to their attention. The plagiarism related to a post last week by Miami New Times news blogger Kyle Munzenrieder,…

If Redskins Lose Their Patent, Aunt Jemima Better Watch Out

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke says the Redskins are protected by free speech Civil rights activists are hailing the recent decision by the…

Mugshots Friday: Money Laundering

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…

Ten Worst Celebrity Rappers

It’s usually weird when actors spit rhymes, but it’s even weirder when you find out the sparkly vampire hunk from Twilight wants to be a rapper named “Big Tub.” That’s the truth Robert Pattinson revealed on the couch with Seth Meyers on Late Night. The poor kid was self-conscious about…

Ten Softest Rappers in the Game

The mainstream rap game is servin’ up so many soft rappers, we should stop calling them MCs and start calling them TCBYs. Have you listened to the hip-hop charts lately? It’s like a damn 16-year-old girl’s mix tape in this mess. Someone must have let the dogs out, because all…

Five Signs You Might Be a Shitty Drummer

Drummers are a completely different breed of humanoid. We here at Crossfade believe that a solid drummer is the key ingredient to any good band — the very catalyst that emulsifies the piss and vinegar of rock ‘n roll into something tangible — and we love you for this reason…

Online Pimps Are Real and They’re Victimizing Kids in Miami

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke talks about the new scourge of online pimps. For decades, parents protecting their daughters from predators are used…

Five Worst EDM Gimmicks

Remember when you used to spend all day playing arcade fighting games against your friends, and you had that one buddy who just kept pressing the same attack button, over and over, leaving you no time to gather your thoughts and use your actual skills? That shit was cheap as…

Peacocks: Most Miami Reason for a Traffic Jam

For half an hour this morning, North Miami Avenue — one of the city’s most crowded arteries — was shut down. By peacocks. For most of the show, it was funny, but not to the honking buses, swerving drivers, and cops who didn’t show up…

Mugshots Friday: Face Full

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…

Eight Signs You’re Not VIP

Everyone wants to feel special and loved, but not everyone is a Very Important Person. Of course, if VIP is really about anything at all, it’s money and status and exclusivity. A person cannot be “very important” unless there are “less important” people at which to snicker and point from…

Reader Mail: Stop Arresting Overtown Residents for Crossing the Tracks

Swimming With Sharks Expose the predators: Like many of the victims of sexual abuse by swim coaches you describe (“Underwater,” Deirdra Funcheon, June 5), I grew up swimming in South Florida and coached USS swim clubs in the Florida Gold Coast in the 1990s. As a coach I had very…

Mugshots Friday: Stop Hating

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…

LeBron James Is Better Than Michael Jordan Ever Was

Last week, in game four of the NBA Eastern Conference Finals, LeBron James broke Michael Jordan’s playoff record for most games with at least 25 points, five rebounds, and five assists. It was another milestone for the Miami Heat superstar. As the Heat heads to the NBA Finals for the…

Reader Mail: Mark Cuban Should Shut Up About Race

Punk Paradise Where everybody knows your name: Your oral history of Churchill’s Pub (“Bangers & Mosh,” Liz Tracy and S. Pajot, May 29) shows exactly why I’m hoping things stay as close to the way they are as possible even though founder Dave Daniels has sold the place. The few…