In Early Voting Debacle in Doral, Carlos Gimenez Fails To Lead

As the 2012 presidential election in Miami-Dade County spirals into calamity, alcalde fuerte Carlos Gimenez is doing nothing to stop another embarrassing, national indictment of our Banana Republic’s voting system. Despite long lines of voters who waited two-to-six hours to cast their ballots during the eight days of early voting,…

Mugshots Friday: The Lost Romney Son and Jesus Condom

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…

Donna Shalala Is Running Hurricanes Football Into the Ground

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the sorry state of Hurricanes football.It is University of Miami Coach Al Golden’s second year on…

Companies Spend $41 Billion To Keep Consumers In The Dark

There’s a bit of an uproar over California’s Proposition 37 scheduled for the November 6 ballot. Another twenty states are considering similar measures.It’s a simple proposition requiring that all genetically altered foods be labeled as such. Genetic modification can mean anything from manipulating the genes of a tomato to cloning…

Election 2012: Just Vote No To These Catastrophes

When you head to the polls this week to cast a vote for the prez or to throw your weight behind Mittens, you might be surprised to find one of the longest ballots ever created. You’d never know it from the nightly news, but it turns out you’ll have to…

Herald: Obama, Sentinel: Romney, New Times: Romney Lies

Now it’s our turn. The Sun-Sentinel this morning endorsed Mitt Romney. Then the Miami Herald threw its support to Barack Obama.We don’t endorse candidates. We are just a motley crew of renegades who like to throw darts at pictures of Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez, and Britney Spears.But we believe Mitt…

Dada 5000 Brings Red October To His Backyard On Saturday

While we’re still anxiously awaiting Rakontur’s Dawg Fight documentary about backyard brawling in Miami-Dade, the P.T. Barnum/Spartan of Perrine Dhafir Harris, AKA Dada 5000, is gearing up for his last big event this Saturday. “I’m calling it Red October,” Harris says. “There is going to be a lot of red…

Mugshots Friday: Big Hair, Bad Sunburns, and Bags of Money

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…

Jessica Simpson’s Dad Is Gay, Divorcing Mama Simpson

Jessica Simpson has really been put through the pop culture wringer. She built a career around her supposed-to-be fairy tale marriage to 98 Degrees crooner Nick Lachey. And then they got divorced. Ever since, Jessica hasn’t been able to escape the merciless crosshairs of every tabloid Gollum with a lust…