Miami’s Own Adnan Shukrijumah Becomes Osama’s Lieutenant

I was wrong. Seven years ago, at the Iraq War’s start, I wrote a column expressing skepticism about the Bush administration’s claim that Adnan Shukrijumah of Miramar was a top terrorist. Earlier today, reports leaked from the FBI that Shukrijumah has become Osama Bin Laden’s top man on global terrorism. Shukrijumah…

Luke’s Gospel Propels Elena Kagan to Supreme Court

Turns out Luke’s Gospel is indeed the word, the truth we all seek. Miami New Times columnist Luther Campbell penned an opinion piece on Elena Kagan, which was cited by several national media outlets, including Vanity Fair, Rolling Stone, Wall Street Journal, and Fox News. Next thing you know she’s…

Jersey Shore Damage Report: Love Guido-Style and Magical Glasses

Last night on Jersey Shore, the cast continued to wreck havoc on the previously sleepy little island known as Miami Beach. Ronnie the shaved gorilla struggled with newly developing human emotions and even harder-to-grasp basic human logic. Meanwhile, Angelina the rat scurried about the house, tried desperately to avoid being…

Sex + Cuban Food = Great Fun

What do you get when you cross ropa vieja and sex toys? You get this sign on Biscayne Boulevard at 115th Street next to Three Palms Cuban Cafe. The friendly, airy joint is next door to a sex toy shop. To Short Order, this just might be the perfect combo…

Do Companies Deserve Tax Breaks For Junk Food Ads Aimed At Kids?

Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) sure doesn’t think so. The courageous congressman should be applauded for having introduced legislation aimed at preventing businesses from writing off advertising of junk food targeted towards children. Specifically, congressional measure HR 4310 would prohibit any company from claiming a tax deduction for expenses derived from…

Overrated Eats: Barton G’s Circus

We were not surprised when it was announced that Barton G would be opening a restaurant, Prelude by Barton G, at the Adrienne Arsht center. He is a true showman and his original restaurant Barton G. is more reminiscent of a circus act than a fine dining establishment. It is…

Marc Sarnoff’s Office Staff Just Got Smaller

Bert Gonzalez and David Karsh have left their jobs with Miami Commissioner Marc Sarnoff to work for the city’s community redevelopment agencies. The personnel changes come after Sarnoff and Commissioner Richard Dunn II abandoned a controversial proposal to use $105,000 in taxpayer money meant for alleviating blight in Overtown and…

Blast From the Past: The Pink Lincolns – Sumo Fumes 2

(Stiff Pole Records) www.stiffpolerecords.com In honor of Richard “Big Stiff” Konwinski, who passed this past July in Tampa, I’ll be juggling between the County Grind and Crossfade blogs doing my Blast From the Past thing on the record label that he founded, Stiff Pole Records. In my opinion, it came to…

Rick Scott and Bill McCollum Are Florida’s Grand Wizards

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke claims Democrats are missing in action in the governor’s race.The Democratic Party is out of sight and…

Political Vulture Ralph Arza Hovering Around Perla Tabares Hantman

Even though Ralph Arza recently popped up at one of her fundraisers and at her campaign headquarters in Hialeah, Perla Tabares Hantman insists the disgraced former state representative is not working on her re-election campaign for Miami-Dade School Board. “He has no involvement as far as I know,” Tabares Hantman tells Banana Republican…

C’mon, Miami Herald, Hustle Up in the MIA!

The last year or so has been tough for our city’s paper of record, where I used to work. Reporters at the Miami Herald have gotten the shaft, and editors have been forced to do double duty. But hey, guys, please cover the City of Miami. It is the wheel around…

Hall of Shame: Five Candidates You Want to Vote Against

With the primary election less than a month away, Riptide is doing its civic duty by letting readers know about the five worst candidates running in local, state, and federal races. A vote for these jokers is just another leap toward Idiocracy, the made-up future world conjured by Beavis &…

MP3: Orion (of Elastic Bond) – “Massacre Pt. 5”

If I thought that Orion had solidified his bones with his work with Elastic Bond, I was certainly humbled and pleasantly surprised by his first solo effort, Esperanza. It was a sweet dose of chemically balanced hip-hop that not only paid respect to his Caribbean roots, but used them as a…

Jersey Shore Damage Report: The Guidos Come to Town

Just a few months ago everything was right in the world. South Beach was home to its own particular brand of party trash, and the world’s most famous guidos and guidettes were in their native Long Island/Statan Island/Rhode Island settings. Then MTV shook everything up and decided to set Snooki,…

Five Annoying Things About Today’s Herald Story On Miami Spice

When I first saw The Miami Herald front page headline this morning — “It’s Time To Add The ‘Spice'”, I thought reporter Elaine Walker was copying Short Order’s tallying of which restaurants were worth going to for Spice and which weren’t. But there was no critical commentary involved — probably…