Miami’s kids won a pyrrhic victory yesterday. Larrie Lovett II pleaded guilty and was sentenced to ten years of probation for stealing more than $70,000 from the Children’s Trust — a teen anti-violence program — and other charities. He spent the money he stole from those children on his Pembroke…
Candace Long just wanted to party. It was her birthday, after all. And she wasn’t going to let her babysitting job — or the frigid temperatures Florida had plunged into — stop her. Indeed, even after her solitary party had ended, and she was in cuffs for child neglect, she…
Black women across America are jonesing for the return of Scandal, a hit TV show on ABC about a hot, intelligent, African-American lady who has a love affair with the president of the United States. But it’s not Obama. This fictional leader of the free world happens to be a…
Where’s the Cheap Beer? But expensive beer is better: Yep, times are changing (“One Man’s Quest to Find a $1 Beer in South Florida,” Kyle Swenson January 9). When I was younger, people would do slum-bar crawls and have private parties and drink case after case of this cheap watered-down…
The Hialeah City Commission Tuesday voted unanimously to take former mayor Raul Martinez’s name off city hall. The current mayor, Carlos Hernandez, a longtime critic of the indicted but later cleared politician, pushed the measure, saying, “The building belongs to the people.” For good measure, the council also agreed to…
Julio Sanchez began planning his daughter’s quinceañera almost three years in advance. One of the things the Cuban-American loved about his daughter Janessa was her thoughtfulness, and she decided a small, inexpensive get-together would do just fine when the time came. Nothing like the elaborate, $20,000 blowouts some of her…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke pontificates on TV’s most titillating program. Black women across America are jonesing for the return of Scandal, a…
More and more people are willing to brand themselves with their favorite product’s logo — and pay for it. Iconic logos like Coca-Cola and Budweiser are available in wearables such as T-shirts, hats, and board shorts, which people happily purchase to showcase their favorite food or drink. Now that fad…
Don’t be a drag, just be a queen … Or a male bartender dressed up as Miss Magnolia Thunderpussy, Ivanna Shaker, Roxy Rodriguez, and the rest of the fierce bitches at Blackbird Ordinary’s Speed Drag. Male bartenders from the Broken Shaker, Haven, and other local watering holes unleashed their inner…
False doctor Tony Bosch, who beat the system in Florida after supplying more than a dozen top athletes with anti-aging drugs, spoke with 60 Minutes Sunday. In a series of story that more than confirmed groundbreaking Miami New Times stories about Biogenesis, Bosch’s Coral Gables clinic, the son of Coral…
Real Housewives of Miami cast member Lisa Hochstein and her husband Dr. Lenny “Boob God” Hochstien are currently in a war with preservations to tear down a historic Star Island mansion and build the party house of their dreams, but they’ve already deprived Star Island of another icon: Rosie O’Donnell…
Meet Anthony Bourdain. Chef, author, television host, comic book writer, publisher, professional Twitterer, and now food court mogul. Oh, yes, kiddies. Page Six of the New York Post has shared the exclusive scoop that Bourdain is planning on opening a food court spotlighting all the street food he’s been raving…
Big news today is that New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie fulfilled everyone’s political expectations and killed his own candidacy for the Republican nomination for presidency in 2016. A top aide, it seems, pushed for “traffic problems” in the city of Fort Lee as retribution against a mayor who wouldn’t back…
Miami Northwestern Senior High Principal Wallace Aristide has done the unthinkable. He has turned the school into an academic institution that received its first A grade this year. Aristide has now fulfilled the vision of his predecessor, Charles Hankerson. Hankerson, you might recall, is the former principal who butted heads…
The Masked Man Dude is crazy: Obviously, Ericson Harrell, the police officer throwing a fit about getting arrested in a Guy Fawkes mask (“The Cop Behind the Mask,” Terrence McCoy, January 2), is having some sort of brain issue that is causing delusional thinking and mild schizophrenia and paranoia. Most…
Edible Anus via FacebookImagine the surprise when your boss opens this.Did you ever have to give a gift to someone who’s, well, a bit of an asshole? We’ve found the perfect present: Edible Anus! It’s exactly what you think it is. Fine Belgian chocolate in the shape of a butthole…
[Editor’s Note: In his column Serrano Time, award-winning scribe and goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times.] Right now, Pitbull’s “Timber,” featuring Ke$ha, is number two on Billboard and number one on my GTFOH chart. I don’t remember the first time I heard this song — it seems…
Over the past two weeks, half a dozen current and former Publix employees have contacted New Times to complain that the company discriminates against gay workers. One went as far as to say he’d been treated like a “second-class” citizen by the supermarket chain. Publix denies the allegations. But there…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the reformation of a once-failing school. Miami Northwestern Senior High Principal Wallace Aristide has done the unthinkable…
It was the first weekend of 2014. Dudes in handlebar mustaches and bushy beards and ladies in beanies, combat boots, and plaid skirts crowded the back patio of Gramps. With a glass of Penicillin on one hand and a cigarette on the other, the (mainly) hipster crew in the Wynwood…
I dunno. I guess I just want to gloat. It is 15 degrees below zero in Chicago right now. It’s -21 in my hometown of Minneapolis, Minnesota. New York is gonna be 9 degrees tonight. It’s 70 degrees at my house. Maybe I’ll take a dip in the pool…
Could you imagine getting all of your meals — breakfast, lunch, and dinner — from one eatery for an entire year? Well, Beautiful Existence (yes, her legal name) did just that. What restaurant did the Seattle woman choose? Starbucks, naturally. For each day in 2013, Existence ate all of her…
